


Avatar toph doesn’t fuck around

by Anewhope303



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Aang isn’t dead cause he’s baby, Agni kai’s in a Denny’s parking lot, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Avatar Toph Beifong, Crack, Forgot to add suki that’s on me sorry, Found Family, Gen, Just pure crack, Ozai (Avatar) Being a Terrible Parent, Rated T for profanity, and An all around bitch, he is sort of a worry wort in the beginning though, shortfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-12 05:07:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29005038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anewhope303/pseuds/Anewhope303
Summary: Inspired by “if toph fought Ozai the fight would have lasted 20 secondsAvatar toph doesnt fuck around, feat. Kyoshi as a cheerleader, bitch lord Ozai, and a side of found family(Minor edits were made and more insanity was added since I wrote the whole thing during study hall)
Relationships: Toph Beifong & Iroh, Toph Beifong & Kyoshi, Toph Beifong & The Gaang, Toph Beifong & Zuko
Comments: 9
Kudos: 73





	Avatar toph doesn’t fuck around

**Author's Note:**

> Credit is due to wenchiusThoticus’s “Zuko gets his Xbox taken away (and other such tales)” for some of the references in this story go check it out 
> 
> I feel like i should put a warning on this, even though it’s violence isn’t that graphic and the only character that dies is Ozai so that doesn’t count as character death cause fuck him. Heavy crack ahead, turn back now and check out my avatar fluff, angst and musical lyric rewrites if that’s more your speed. 
> 
> Enjoy 😉

The day of reckoning had come. The avatar stormed caldera city with divine fury, ready to deal her special justice upon the fire lord.

Maybe she would have listened to Twinkle toes and chose the peaceful way out just to get him to stop nagging her, but then Zuko told her how he got his scar, and Toph resolved that she could have a little murder, As a treat. 

Her girl avatar Kyoshi agreed wholeheartedly, and gave her the advice to use his entrails as a fireplace decoration, to which she sarcastically motioned to her eyes to remind her that that was a really dumb idea. 

She burst through the doors of the throne room, where fire lord Ozai lounged evilly, stroking his stupid little beard thing and practicing his monologue about how the earth kingdom will burn and he will finally become “Phoenix King” or the “Fucking fire lord”. (He hadn’t decided yet on titles)

He startled when he realized he wasn’t alone, but shook it off to pretend this was his plan all along.

“Ahh, Welcome Avatar. It seems you have fallen into my trap”

He put on his most menacing face, but it didn’t even register, as the young avatar was not only blind, but also eats fear for breakfast so nothing could have phased her.

“I know your lying Fire Bitch Ozai. You're going to pay for what you did to the world”

On the spiritual plane, Kyoshi was cheering her on in a way that would have been undignified for anyone else, but this is Avatar Fucking Kyoshi, so it was totally cool that she ditched her fans for pom poms just this once.

He tried to think of a badass enough villain line to match that with, but before he could muster the imposing tone of voice to say “Now you will die” or some dumb shit like that, Toph’s milky green eyes turned all blue and glowy and badass, and all the elements came to surround her. 

Ozai only had a few moments to be super fucking scared before she stomped on the ground so hard that the earth’s crust opened up and swallowed him and his throne whole.

While feeling the vibrations of the ruined center of imperialist oppression, she had but one thought on her mind:

“HAHA GET FUCKING WRECKED BITCH”

She headed back to her friends, who were a little caught off guard but not surprised that she had sent that bitch to the center of the earth. They all had a tea party with Uncle Iroh. 

She formally adopted Zuko despite the fact that she was 4 years younger than him, and they went on a life changing field trip to fist-and-fire fight his former father’s (Toph and Iroh were his new dads now) loyalists in a Denny’s parking lot. Katara and Sokka came too, she challenged two asshats to an Agni Kai with a bottle of hairspray and a lighter while Sokka insulted their dumb facial hair before it was swiftly burnt off. (She could have destroyed them easily with her waterbending, but this way was more fun) Even diehard pacifist Aang enjoyed watching the mayhem, even if he only came to make sure Momo didn’t grab his gun (which he totally had) and obliterate every last person.

Iroh was so moved by the sight that he decided to buy the place and turn it into his new and improved jasmine dragon tea shop, so he could attract customers with its historical landmark status.

Everyone lived happily ever after.

**Author's Note:**

> A little context, Aang got frozen but not because because he was the Avatar, he was just running away from the genocide. The real avatar was killed, and the water tribe avatar lived a long life not knowing who she was. He is found by Katara and sokka, and they go to try to find the real avatar. Zuko got exiled the same and thought Aang was the Avatar cause the last recorded avatar was an airbender. They find toph who’s been bending different elements but, is otherwise the same as cannon.
> 
> This is my first time writing straight up crack, did I do good?
> 
> Comments and kudos feed my inspiration so if you would be so kind as to pay your local fic dealer in them that would be great


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